Navigating Caregiving and the Pressures of the Sandwich Generation
I was privileged to lead a virtual conversation recently with fellow Tulane Alumni as part of the Tulane Alumni Relations Professional Development Series. It is amazing how, even in a virtual setting, we can still have an intimate and meaningful conversation. Participants were able to share their experiences and lessons learned, listen mindfully to their peers, and consider steps for moving forward. Below is my recap.
Thanks to all who participated in yesterday’s discussion on navigating the financial and emotional challenges of the sandwich generation. I appreciate your openness in sharing your stories and listening and supporting one another. The key takeaways I have from our discussion are below:
Being in the middle of the “sandwich” heightens life stressors. Our relationships with our older loved ones are taxed and shifting as they decline and are reluctant to relinquish autonomy. We can feel overwhelmed and stretched thin trying to address their needs, those of our kids, as well as our own.
Self-care is essential. We must care for ourselves first and foremost before we are able to care for others. Remember the lifeguard analogy – if someone is pulling them into the water, they have to protect themselves first. Make your own physical, emotional, and mental health a priority. Take breaks, and ask for help. You are not alone, even if it feels like you are.
Get really clear on your values and priorities. Our resources are finite. If we take time to examine and be really honest with ourselves about our values and our top priorities, it can give us clarity in deciding how to spend our time, money, and energy. Once you identify those priorities, you can use them as a lens to make challenging decisions.
Keep communication clear and manageable. We can be facing many uncomfortable conversations –about healthcare, finances, and ultimately end-of-life decisions. Have compassion and patience with yourself and your loved ones as you tackle sticky subjects. Enlist the help of an objective third party like a financial or legal professional, or even a family member who is a little more removed. Keep records of important documents and accounts.
Resources for Caregivers-Ask for help!
US Department of Health and Human Services website
Employer Benefits Programs
Support Groups
CaringBridge.com
Self-Care
Emotional and mental health-Therapy and counseling, Spending time outdoors, Socializing
Physical health-Proper nutrition, sleep, and exercise
Financial
Take time to evaluate your own values. Use those as a lens to set your financial priorities and limits.
Organize your own finances. Be respectful, calm, and open in discussing finances with your loved ones.
Help them get organized if they will allow you to.
Tackle estate planning in manageable pieces – will, medical directive, power of attorney, beneficiaries
on all accounts, end of life wishes.
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