Transformation Through Divorce

Divorce

Feb 12

I recently shared a conversation with fellow Tulane Alumni on Transformation Through Divorce where a small group came together to share their experiences navigating the emotional and financial upheaval of divorce. Below is an excerpt of the summary of the event that went to participants. My role as a planner is to honor the experience of my clients, regardless how painful, and provide them clarity and direction in a path forward.

As I do when I work with my clients who are experiencing divorce, I want to push you a bit. Challenge you. We all deserve to feel the hurt or anger or confusion that can come with divorce. But let’s not stay there. Let’s not sit in it. Let’s think about what we can do to truly take care of ourselves and work toward a future of our choosing. Our lives may feel shattered, but we can take steps toward defining our path, identifying times when we are our own obstacle, and steadily moving into a beautiful new life.

I don’t want to imply that it’s easy. We had a range of participants in our discussion – some who were contemplating divorce, some who were in the thick of separation and settlement negotiations, and others who have been divorced for several years. There were moments in our little Zoom room when the pain and fear was palpable. And, as I listened to you share your experiences, I could see the arc of experience from those first raw months to an increasing confidence and sense of peace as we have more space and time from the end of a marriage.

So often I see parallels between our personal lives and our financial lives. In both facets of life, we can benefit greatly from getting back to the basics – take a step back, ask for help from a professional where needed, identify a goal, understand your current standing, and implement steps toward that goal. That can look like finding a new career, working through emotions with a therapist, accepting our new standard of living, setting up a new financial plan, revamping our social life, navigating family dynamics, or finding love again.

I tell you this not as any sort of guru, but as someone who is still in the transformation journey alongside you. My hope for you all is that you take what you heard from your peers in our discussion and apply what is helpful. You are not alone, and you can face the challenges ahead.

I am sharing a couple of resources that I have found meaningful. One is an episode of the podcast, “Reimagining Love” with clinical psychologist Dr. Alexandra Soloman, detailing 5 Strategies for Stability and Healing. Her advice on caring for yourself after the end of a relationship I think is useful regardless of how fresh that break-up occurred.

The other resource comes from material that I share with my clients. While divorce or separation can involve a huge amount of uncertainty with finances, we can break down priorities and discrete action steps for sifting through our financial puzzle to start moving forward. That checklist is attached.

I wish you all the best and welcome you to call on me if I may be of some assistance. Know that I am rooting for you and that you are not in this alone.

Warm regards,

Bridget